My Purpose

I'm incredibly thankful for McKenna. I am sure it's not a blast to deal with me when I'm in selfish shutdown mode (which is what I was doing for the past week) but she continues to be faithful and gracious towards me which is such an encouragement.

I've been wondering into the world. I'm embarrassed to say it, but the lure of the world has been captivating to me lately. It's all the same lies I've believed in the past, but Satan is presenting them to me in a way that seems new and exciting and my heart has been straying.

You wouldn't know it on the outside. Well...unless you were my roommate. My actions look the same, my energy has been the same, but I have been craving the pleasures of the world.

My life is incredibly foolish to the world. I make minimum wage, I live with a married couple, I don't have a car (until Wednesday!!!), I am unmarried, and I am broke. Not a whole lot going for me on the worldly standard. Other than my ravishing good looks and my perfectly symmetrical and captivating ankles I don't have much else to offer the world.

But I have a lot to offer Christ. I have my heart, I have my faith, and I have my life. That is where my focus needs to be. I changed the banner on my phone to read, "What is my purpose?" It's a constant reminder that the things I have aren't good enough for the world...but they are good enough for my Savior. I may not make a lot of money, I may not have a husband, a car, a trust fund, or a super model body but I have a purpose.

Dan Rude gave a message last week (maybe a couple weeks ago....time confuses me) on our purpose as a church. During that message he talked a lot about what our purpose is as Christians. The message really resonated with me. Our purpose, as Christians is to lay down our life for Christ. That looks different from person to person, but for me it looks like trusting and loving Christ, serving the body of believers, sharing the gospel to those who are lost, and building disciples.

It sounds simple enough, but I have learned that there are challenges around every corner. My flesh, the world, and satan are all at war against that purpose. Satan tempts us away with even the smallest of thoughts. Won't I find more pleasure in men? Won't I be more beneficial if I'm successful in corporate America? Shouldn't I spend my time in front of college football for 6 hours a day? (This one will be the hardest for me to battle over the next 5 months...) But the Lord is clear that there is no joy apart from the cross.

I love Galatians 6: 7-9. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." If we live our life in a way that brings joy to our flesh we will REAP DESTRUCTION. And this is what I have seen in the last week of my life. My relationship with McKenna has suffered. My prayer life has suffered. My quiet times have suffered. I haven't been able to offer the encouragement and support the Lord desires from me and it's because I have been looking for joy apart from the cross. I have been destroying the Lord's purpose for my life through my selfish ambition.

But as the case in every sinful and selfish decision I make, there is restoration. Yesterday afternoon I asked for forgiveness. McKenna and I sat down in prayer and I melted down. All my selfish desires and hopes were staring me in the face and they looked so foolish. My severed relationship with McKenna was staring me in the face and I knew I had let her down. She is gracious and loving and prayed for me and lifted me up as I cried, and the Lord reminded me, as He continues to do that there is forgiveness and life through His Son.

I will continue to battle Satan, the world, and my flesh until I die. But I must remember that I cannot battle them alone. As Dan said last night, if I take on any of those three by myself I will lose. But my strength comes from the Lord. In Him I will take refuge, and in Him I will find life.