Be careful what you pray for...

I have heard people say on more than one occasion to be careful about what you pray for, because it just might come true. I’ve been wrestling a lot with God, and let me tell you, He’s winning.

Last night I had a break down. I had an amazing quiet time, wrote my blog, talked to Shaly for probably 3 hours about humility, trust, and obedience to the Lord and then went to my volleyball game. Haley and I wanted to spend some time together before my match and we headed to my car to talk. And I melted down. The Lord is really working on my prideful heart right now, and I know why. Because I’ve been praying about it.

Psalm 119 is one of my favorite psalms. Everyone seems to skip it because it is pretty long, but I believe it’s one of the most beautifully written Psalms. There has been one verse that has always stuck out to me, and I think I’m beginning to understand why. Psalm 119: 57 “You are my portion, O Lord; I have promised to obey your words.” The word “portion” has always really resonated with me, and today, after coming home and going through the Psalm again I know why. What the psalmist is saying to the Lord is that He is everything. The Lord is honestly all they need. He is saying, “Take away my food, take away my water and clothing, bring suffering, even death, and I will remain firm in your commands and your precepts…because YOU, my Lord, are all I need in this life.” It is so perfect. I have prayed multiple times for humility. I have prayed multiple times that the Lord, “makes Himself my portion.” That He is all I need…all I desire. And the Lord is answering my prayers.

My life is very different than it was a month ago. I no longer have the kingdom I built up for myself. I no longer have the job, the lifestyle, the mountains…all that I loved I laid at the feet of the Lord. And He didn’t care. He wants more. He wants to be my portion.

I know this sounds very similar to my last blog, but this one comes from a different place. This one comes from a thankful heart. The Lord will humble me. He will take everything my flesh desires and replace it with everything He desires. And through it He will give me life.

Psalm 119: 32, “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.”

Psalm 119: 50, “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”

Psalm 119: 143, “Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight.”

I want to have a heart like this Psalmist. I want to be without everything this world has to offer me, and I want to be on my knees in constant prayer over everything the Lord has blessed me with. This walk with Christ isn’t about all the things I don’t have. It’s about all the things I DO have.

I have the promise of salvation. I have the promise of grace. I have understanding. I have righteousness, forgiveness, and purpose.

After my volleyball game I came to my car and found a piece of paper folded and tucked into the door. I opened it up and glanced at it. It was today’s devotional from, “My Utmost For His Highest.” It was placed there by Haley and the exact same thing Shaly had read to me only 5 hours earlier. I knew the Lord needed me to read this again. The devotional starts with, “Come to Me… - Matthew 11: 28.” One of the last sentences says, “Come to Me….The intellectual, moral, and spiritual depth of our reality as a person is tested and measured by these words. Yet in every detail of our lives where we are found not to be real, we would rather dispute the findings than come to Jesus.”

I am learning, through the grace of God, that I am relying on my emotions. I am turning to myself when times get tough. I’m relying on my own understanding of the world and my own perception of the Lord to get me through tough times. And I am learning that this won’t last. My pride will not sustain me. My emotions will lead me astray and my heart will deceive me. The only truth I have and the only promise that is true is the one that comes from Christ. The one that tells me to “Come to Him.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11: 28

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” – Psalm 55: 22

For those of you who have asked Christ into your heart I hope you are finding as much comfort in the promises of the Lord that these verses have given me last night. He will take our burdens and replace them with His yoke, which is easy. His yoke is freedom. For those of you who have not accepted Christ, I pray that His words resonate with you. I hope you find truth in them. I hope you come to know that the bible is real, the words given to us by the Lord are real, and what He is doing in my life and in my heart is real.